When it comes to Funny Jokes about Women and Driving there is no end to them.
Funny Driving Pictures fill our minds when women get on the road in their cars!!
In Fact you could make a whole website of these moms, daughters, girlfriends, wives, and mistresses , amd their driving abilities.
We swear from what we see and hear women think they are good drivers-don’t get offended ladies-we are just acknowledging the fact that you think you are good drivers.
Facts show though, that when you are behind a car and it is displaying a sort of erratic behavior on the road, when you get to the drivers window and look in, “It’s a Women”
A traffic Cop stops a woman driver and asks to see her driving license.
‘Miss, it says here that you should be wearing glasses when driving.’
‘Well,’ replies the woman, ‘ Officer, I have contacts.’
‘Miss, I don’t care who you the hell you know, your still going to get a ticket.’
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Officer: ‘When I saw you coming down that side street I thought, “Fifty-five at the least”.’
Woman driver: ‘Well, I always look older in this hat.’
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A police officer pulls a women driver over for speeding and has the following exchange:
Officer: May I see your driver’s license?
Driver: I don’t have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Officer: May I see the owner’s card for this vehicle?
Driver: It’s not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That’s right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner’s card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There’s a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That’s where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
Officer: There’s a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.
Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:
Captain: Miss, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is.
It was valid.
Captain: Who’s car is this?
Driver: It’s mine, officer. Here’s the owner’s card.
The driver owned the car.
Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there’s a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there’s no gun in it.
Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there’s a body in it.
Driver: No problem.
Trunk is opened; no body.
Captain: I don’t understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn’t have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove box, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.
Driver: Yeah, He Hates Women Drivers, I’ll bet the lying s.o.b. told you I was speeding, too!
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I tell you, women drivers are a hazard to traffic. Driving to work this morning on the freeway, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a Mustang doing 65 miles per hour with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner!
I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane.
It scared me so bad I dropped my electric shaver in my coffee, and it spilled all over my cell phone!
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Two elderly women were out driving in a large car, both women barely large enough to see over the dashboard.
As they cruised along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went right on through.
The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, “I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light.”
After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection, the light was red, and again they went right through.
This time, the passenger was almost sure that the light had been red, but was also concerned that she might be seeing things.
She was getting nervous, and decided to pay very close attention.
At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red, and they went right through it.
She turned to the other woman and said, “Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us!”
Mildred turned to her and said,
“Oh my goodness! Am I driving?
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Have you ever noticed, in traffic, any woman going slower than you is an idiot, and any woman going faster than you is a maniac!
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Women Drivers Love Them Or Leave Them (Walking)
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A man and a woman were dating. She being of a religious nature had held back the worldly pleasure that he wanted from her so bad. In fact, he had never even seen her naked.
One day, as they drove down the freeway, she remarked about his slow driving habits.
“I can’t stand it anymore,” she told him. “Let’s play a game. For every 5 miles per hour over the speed limit you drive, I’ll remove one piece of clothing.
He enthusiastically agreed and sped up the car.
He reached the 55 MPH mark, so she took off her blouse.
At 60 off came the pants.
At 65 it was her bra and at 70 her panties.
Now seeing her naked for the first time and travelling faster than he ever had before, he became very excited and lost control of the car. He veered off the road, went over an embankment and hit a tree. His girlfriend was not hurt but he was trapped. She tried to pull him free but alas he was stuck.
“Go to the road and get help,” he said. “I don’t have anything to cover myself with!” she replied. The man felt around, but could only reach one of his shoes. “You’ll have to put this between your legs to cover it up,” he told her.
So she did as he said and went up to the road for help. Along came a truck driver. Seeing a naked, crying woman along the road, he pulled over to hear her story.
“My boyfriend! My boyfriend!” she sobs, “He’s stuck and I can’t pull him out!”
The truck driver looking down at the shoe between her legs replies, “Ma’am, if he’s in that far, I’m afraid he’s a goner!”
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Hilarious Woman Driver Quote
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said ‘Parking Fine.’ Wasn’t that so very nice.
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A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car. The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead. The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.
A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees a man crying on the side of a road and pulls over. She steps out of the car and asks man what’s wrong. “I feel terrible,” he explains, “I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it.”
The blonde says, “Don’t worry.” She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit, bends down, and sprays the contents onto the rabbit. The rabbit jumps up, waves its paw at the two of
them and hops off down the road. Ten feet away the rabbit stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and
again and again, until he hops out of sight.
The man is astonished. He runs over to the woman and demands, “What is in that can? What did you spray on that rabbit?” The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label. It says, “Hair Spray - Restores life to dead hair, adds permanent wave.”
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Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeders, a State Policeman sees a car puttering along at 22 miles per hour.
He thinks to himself, “This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!” So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies - two in the front and three in the back of the car - wide-eyed and white as ghosts.
The driver obviously confused, says to him, “Officer, I don’t understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?”
“Ma’am,” The officer replies, “you weren’t speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers.”
“Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly — twenty-two miles an hour” the old woman said proudly.
The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that “22? was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.
“But before I let you go, Ma’am”, the officer says, “I have to ask…Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven’t muttered a single peep this whole time.”
“Oh, they’ll be all right in a minute, officer. We just got off Route 119.
This funny picture shows a drunk guy doing a little housework.
Never mind the crazy robe he has on, check out this pansy of a man using gloves to protect his delicate little hands.
I mean c’mon guy, men hands are supposed to be rough, that’s what makes them Men.
If you are scared that your hands are going to get rough due to the harsh dish washing detergents then just use the old-Rinse and Repeat-and that will help.
We include this in the WTF collection due to this pansy action or then it could be another reason for this funny pic being classified like this.
WTF is that a Poor Kitten in the photo? No, This Drunk Guy Is Not Using that cute and funny looking kitten as a dishrag!
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Love the Senior Citizens That Make You Fall On The Floor Laughing
Our elderly people provide us with comical and delightful situations that are truly keepers.
As we grow older sometimes our understanding of certain things becomes a little off balance and we need the help of others to clarify what is going on.
This funny old lady has a problem that needs addressing so she heads to the doctor for some medical help and advice.
The doctor recognizes the problem and addresses it accordingly.
Hope she doesn’t like eating beans and drinking milk, because she ust might cause a traffic jam to the nearest exits
An old woman goes to the doctor. During her interview, she tells the doc ‘I have a problem. I pass gas a lot, but thank God I pass it silently, and it doesn’t smell. I’ve probably passed it 20 times since I have been sitting here talking to you.’
The doctor quickly nods his head, gives her a prescription and tells her to get it filled, take it and come back in 2 weeks.
3 weeks later, the elderly woman is talking to the doctor and says ‘ doctor, what ever was in that prescription did not help my gas problem a bit. As a matter of fact, it’s horribly worse, why now my farts stinks to high heaven.’
The doctor says ‘Very Good! Now That We Have gotten your sinus problem cleared up, we’ll start working on your hearing.’
Another Funny Picture Poster showing that sometimes when you get in a little trouble with the law, and you’re on the run, some options make it a little bit easier to turn yourself in.
Who wants to turn themselves in to some big burly overgrown police officer, who may sling you around a few good times before you make it to the station.
We are sure you would act a tiny bit different depending on who comes to put the cuffs on you.
This is just our thoughts, but we do believe they are pretty close to correct.
Break the law and get the opportunity to turn yourself in to our sexy policewoman and what are the odds you may just go along quietly.
We at thecomedynet.com wanted to share this Touching and Emotional Evoking Video that is birthed from the Tragedy based around the horrific September 11, 2001.
We Break From The Comedy For A Minute-Hope You Enjoy This!!!!! A Must See Video
Although this is a comedy site filled with funny videos and pictures to put joy and laughter in our lives, there always comes a time for remembrance of the lost of human life.
On this earth and in these times that we live in, there seems to be a terrible absence in the value of human life.
We all love our family and people we meet along our journeys that we embrace as friends, and when they are taken away from us we suffer mental and physical pain. We seek for the pain to heal but it never truly does.
There is a saying, “Time doesn’t heal the pain it justs blunts the edge of the sword” and we find a little peace in that.
To all who suffer the lost of loved ones, we wish for the bluntness of the sword to ease the pain of your loss.
There have been thousands of people who have viewed this video and we have put it here to share with the thousands who have not, and perhaps the ones who have a chance to view it again.
When you lose someone you buried them and then generally you have a celebration of their life afterwards, so keep that in mind and heart.
admin of thecomedynet.com
.
.Dedicated To The Lost of Human Lives From September 11 And The Lost Of All Life In All Circumstances
Funny Old Ladies are so cute and they just keep you laughing and smiling.
Our Senior Citizens, with their harmless nature, are a riot with some of the things they say.I used to think that, “Kid’s Say The Darndest Things“, but when it comes to the over-the-hill gang , they give our kids some stiff competition.
Kids and Old People are funny and the people in between usually do funny things instead of saying them.
Let’s Keep Our People Getting Older so the wit and charm will last a long time!!!
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When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a park bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong. She said, “I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee.”
I said, “Well, then why are you crying?” She said, “He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then makes love to me for half the afternoon.
I said, “Well, why are you crying?” She said, “For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m.” I said, “Well, why in the world would you be crying?”
.
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She said, “I can’t remember where I live!”
Adopt an Old Person Today, they will sweeten up your day!!
Well this Funny Joke will Cure you of your Fears, at least if you have the same problem.
Growing up we run into a number of things that make us scared. We hear about the boogeyman, I know you know him.
What about the Green Man, we had our share of running from him.
Witches , warlocks, demons, the anti-christ, goblins, poltergeist and the whole lot of these scary things that make you Fearful as a child and sometimes as a grown-up.
Here’s a funny joke about one man’s problem and solution.
EVER SINCE I WAS A CHILD, I’VE ALWAYS HAD A FEAR OF SOMEONE UNDER MY BED AT
NIGHT. SO I WENT TO A SHRINK AND TOLD HIM . . . ‘I’ve got problems.
Every time I go to bed I think there’s somebody under it. I’m scared.
I think I’m going crazy.’
‘Just put yourself in my hands for one year,’ said the shrink.
‘Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.’
‘How much do you charge?’
‘Eighty dollars per visit,’ replied the doctor.
‘I’ll sleep on it,’ I said.
Six months later the doctor met me on the street. ‘Why didn’t you ever come to see me about those fears you were
having?’ he asked.
‘Well, Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup!’
‘Is that so! With an attitude he asked and how, may I ask, did a bartender
cure you?’
‘He told me to cut the legs off the bed! - Ain’t nobody under there now
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Doesn’t help the thing that’s in the closet though…
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, amd their driving abilities.
Well, That means let the, “OPTICAL ILLUSIONS” Begin!
Optical Illusions are so mean…….