Best Jokes You Can Picture In Your Mind-How Black Robbers Get You

This has got to be one of the, “Funniest Jokes of the Year” that makes us look at ourselves and how we react to preconceived notions that we carry around in our minds.

We wander around this world and judge people not by their actions but by the actions we play out in our minds.We think certain ways even if we have no legs to stand on to back our thoughts up.

We generalize, we criticize, we characterize, we attempt to rationalize with silly acts that will de-humanize and ostracize as we fail to realize that in the end we will have to vocalize the wrong things we had fantasized as we apologize for trying to penalize the innocent who were guilty because we colorize actions and not people, a mistake ,made to often, that could leave us hospitalized.

Or is that a Surprise———-Nuff SaidAnd Now For Our Feature Presentation

———————————————————–

Techniques Of Black Robbers And How They Get You

This Touted True Story Revealed

On a recent weekend in Atlantic City , a woman won a bucketful of quarters at a slot machine. She took a break from the slots for dinner with her husband in the hotel dining room.

First, she wanted to stash the quarters in her room. ‘I’ll be right back and we’ll go to eat,’ she told her husband and carried the coin-laden bucket to the elevator.

As she was about to walk into the elevator she noticed two men already aboard. Both were black. One of them was tall…very tall…an intimidating figure.

The woman froze. Her first thought was, these two are going to rob me. Her next thought was, don’t be a bigot; they look like perfectly nice gentlemen.

Racial stereotypes are powerful, and fear immobilized her.

She stood and stared at the two men. She felt anxious, flustered and ashamed. She hoped they didn’t read her mind but gosh, they had to know what she was thinking!!!

Her hesitation about joining them in the elevator was all too obvious now. Her face was flushed. She couldn’t just stand there, so with a mighty effort of will she picked up one foot and stepped forward and followed with the other foot on the elevator.

Avoiding eye contact, she turned around stiffly and faced the elevator doors as they closed. A second passed, and then another second, and then another. Her fear increased!!! The elevator didn’t move.

Panic consumed her. “My God,” she thought, I’m
trapped and about to be robbed! ‘Her heart plummeted. Perspiration poured from every pore.

Then one of the men said, “Hit the floor.” Instinct told her to do what they told her. The bucket of quarters flew upwards as she threw out her arms and collapsed on the elevator floor. A shower of coins rained down on her. Take my money and spare me, she prayed.

More seconds passed. She heard one of the men say politely, “Ma’am, if you’ll just tell us what floor you’re going to, we’ll push the button.”

The one who said it had a little trouble getting the words out. He was trying mightily to hold in a belly laugh. The woman lifted her head and looked up at the two men.

They reached down to help her up. “Confused”, she struggled to her feet…”The Man said when I told my friend here to hit the floor,” ‘I meant… that he should hit the elevator button for our floor… I didn’t mean for you to hit the floor, Ma’am. He spoke genially. He bit his lip. It was obvious he was having a hard time not laughing at her.

The woman thought: “My God, what a spectacle I’ve made of myself.’” She was too humiliated to speak. She wanted to blurt out an apology, but words failed her. How do you apologize to two perfectly respectable gentlemen for behaving as though they were going to rob you? She didn’t know what to say.

The three of them gathered up the strewn quarters and refilled her bucket. When the elevator arrived at her floor they then insisted on walking her to her room. She seemed a little unsteady on her feet, and they were afraid she might not make it down the corridor. At her door they bid her a good evening.

As she slipped into her room she could hear them roaring with laughter,yelling to the top of their voices… as they walked back to the elevator.

The woman brushed herself off. She pulled herself together and went downstairs for dinner with her husband.

The next morning flowers were delivered to her room… A Dozen Roses!! Attached to EACH rose was a crisp one hundred dollar bill.

The card said:

‘Thanks for the best laugh we’ve had in years.’

It was signed Michael Jordan ———————–Eddie Murphy

Funny Happenings At The Hospital-Top Doctor And Patient Jokes

Some of the best humor around are the antics that go on in hospitals

Some of the best jokes around could very well be recited truths depending on what hospital area is being talked about.

It is a strange thing when patients are tested sometimes to determine their state of health and just like kids say the darndest things, some of our medically challenged people say even more of them.

For example take this story of a day in the world of the Mentally Challenged Community where testing has been pushed to the limit.

A mental hospital was becoming critically over capacity. The doctors decided to get all the patients seated in one very large room to conduct a test to see how many they discharge that day.At the front of the room the Doctors took some chalk and drew a full size door on a Blackboard and offered an ice cream to any patient who could open the door. There was a mad rush for the door with the patients scratching and clawing at the door and the handle.The group of doctors were disappointed, until they discovered a single male patient who remained in his chair and was quietly chuckling to himself as he watched his fellow patients.

Relieved that they had found at least one patient who could be discharged today, the doctors asked him why he wasn’t trying to open the door…

.

The patient, who could no longer contain his laughter, shouted, “I’ve got the key!”

Send this funny joke to at least one of your friends so that they can laugh today

Funny Jokes#A Guy, A Girl, Lettuce and Tomatoes

Funny Jokes are here again with this Teen Joke about a guy a girl and some food.

Ever did or planned on doing something and you didn’t want others to know about it?

Yes, Everyone has and the one thing they did to help them out was to create a secret code so people on the outside did not understand whatever was being done or said.

Sometimes secret codes can backfire and this one of many funny teen jokes is a fine example so read on…….

Here’s The Story

The Scene: A young teen (let’s call him Joey) is nearing the end of his senior year in college.

Joey is living at home and nearing the end of his senior year in college. Unfortunately, he still has to share a room with his younger brother who is only 10 years old.

One night, he decides to bring his girlfriend home for a little fun. They have bunk beds and Joey notices that his little brother is already asleep on the lower bunk, so he and his girlfriend climb up to the top bunk.

As you might expect things start to heat up. Joey remembers that his little brother is sleeping below so he tells his girlfriend to whisper ‘lettuce’ if she wants it harder and ‘tomato’ if she wants a new position.

‘Lettuce!!! Tomato!!! Lettuce!!! Tomato!!! Lettuce!!! Tomato!!!’

She screams. ‘Lettuce!!! Tomato!!! Whoa!!! PULL IT OUT!!!

PULL IT OUT NOW!!! I can’t get pregnant!’

And so he does

Then the little brother shouts out, ‘Hey, would you guys stop making sandwiches up there! You’re getting mayonnaise all over my face!’

The Moral of This Funny Joke is, “Kid’s Say The Darnest Things”

Funniest Website Jokes#Work Rules That Make You Want A Home Business

Funny Jokes Presents

The New Work Rules To Live By

Due to the struggling economy Jobs are tightening their belts and demanding a leaner and more productive workforce. It is due to these conditions that they are creating a new set of work rules for employees to follow.Employers must insure a profitable existence and the only way to accomplish this is to make sure all employees increase their productivity and become more dependable.

It is because of this that these universal work rules will be distributed through out the Business World.

Study them and be prepared for what to expect when you receive that phone call that you have been waiting on.

The phone call that brightens your day with those 2 beautiful words, “You’re Hired”

NEW OFFICE POLICYDress Code:

1) You are strongly advised to come to work dressed according to
your salary.

2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a designer
Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially
and therefore do not need a raise.

3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your
money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and
therefore you do not need a raise.

4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need
to be and therefore you definitely do not need a raise.

Personal Sick Days:

We will no longer accept a doctor’s statement as proof
of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Consider This A Thing Of The Past

Leave For Personal Days:

Every employee will receive 104 personal days a year.
They are called Saturdays and Sundays. Use Them Wisely!

Bereavement Leave:

This is no excuse for missing work what-so-ever . There is nothing
you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every
effort should be made to have non-employees attend the
funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where
employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be
scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to
allow you to work through your lunch hour and
subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet.
There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the
stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall
door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your
second offense, your picture will be posted on the
company bulletin board under the ‘Chronic Offenders’
category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
sectioned under the company’s mental health policy.

Lunch Break:

* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need
to eat more, so that they can look healthy.

* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a
balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s
all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here
to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore,
all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations,
allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation
and input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management

Email To Friends Who May Be Looking For Employment